You are never lonely

FRED Ng is a bachelor who has lived in New York for almost four years. A Singaporean transferred by his financial services company to work in Manhattan, Ng, 31, loves going out for coffee with his friends and enjoys solitary walks in the park during his days off.
He stays in a small studio apartment in downtown Manhattan, all by himself.
But Ng isn’t alone as he has 31 million people for company. That is the number of people who live alone in the United States, according to a 2007 survey by the US Census Bureau.
Even in crowded and sometimes claustrophobic New York City where people are everywhere, statistics from the Department of City Planning showed that one out of every two apartments in Manhattan is occupied by just one individual.
But don’t start playing Are You Lonesome Tonight to folks like Ng.
Manhatttan, according to New York magazine, is the capital of people living by themselves. The magazine ran a cover story on “The Loneliness Myth” two months ago, quoting studies which showed that New York is among “the least lonely places on earth”.
This metropolitan of eight million inhabitants is on Forbes’ list of Best Cities for Singles, ranking Number 8 out of 40.
Its nightlife is unmatched, according to Forbes, besides its cool factor. But the unbearable cost of living pushed it out as head of the class. (Atlanta is tops, by the way).
The culturally diverse New York, according to Ng, offers wide opportunities to meet people and make friends.
“People who feel alienated here are probably shy or haven’t met the right clique yet,” he said. “Life in the city lacks a sense of community that you find in a small town.”
For the timid ones, New York is daunting.
“New Yorkers tend to be rather loud with a in-your-face attitude. They lack patience if they feel that people are wasting their time in things they don’t care about,” Ng said.
Heidi Smith, a 20-something Californian who moved to New York several months ago, said Gotham would intimidate those without a good support system.
“For me, I am worried about slipping on ice and breaking my leg,” she quipped, referring to the snowy days in New York.
Smith, who teaches in an elementary school, said her friends felt she was crazy to move to New York as the weather was harsher in the Empire State.
“But people here are nice, though I would like to think that Californians are very friendly. Over there, people would get more angry if you are rude to them.”
New York, she said, could be both scary and fun for outsiders.
However, Smith does not intend to stay in New York for the long term. “That’s not my plan. There are other places that I want to live in.”
During Unmarried and Single Americans Week from Sept 21 to 28 last year, the Census Bureau released facts and figures which showed that there were 92 million unmarried Americans aged 18 and older in 2006.
Another batch of numbers in 2004 indicated that 50% of adults in New York are unmarried, the highest among all the states.
Ng, for example, is a staunch believer that New York is a great place for singles.
“There are all sorts of venues for meeting other people, no matter what type of personality you may have,” he said.
“For example, the clubbing scene is always vibrant for party-goers, and there are world-class institutions for the culturally-inclined such as the Metropolitan Museum of Art.”
Speed dating is available for people of all stripes whether single professionals, Jewish, Muslims or Christians. Here in hurry, hurry New York, there are even events called Date and Dash Speed Dating Party.
On New Year’s Eve, there was the gay and lesbian black tie royal ball.
Ng, however, described himself as an introvert who preferred solitude.
His American colleagues are fantastic. “I have a good rapport and working relationship with them, but I don’t usually hang out with them.”
He loves the bookstores and the countless cafes in the city. “I mostly confine myself within the Buddhist circle,” he said.
“I won’t call myself a social butterfly,” he joked, “but people tend to think that the singles here are party goers who come home drunk at 2am, if they come back to their own homes at all.”
Another misconception, he said, was that Americans would “sleep with anything that moves”.
“I don’t miss not being part of the wild side,” he said. “It was never my scene.”
Besides his full-time IT support job, Ng is taking up a course on Information Systems Management at New York University.
That leaves almost no time for dating. “With my work and part-time study at NYU, the only dates I go for are the ones in Whole Foods Market. They are all organic, so it is a healthy relationship,” he said in jest.
What does he do when the occasional loneliness creeps in?
“I either hit the gym or go for long walks in the parks or along the Hudson River. Sometimes I harass my friends to go out,” he said. “If loneliness hits me hard enough, I lapse into a coma.”

Big Apple woos the lovestruck

THE King has been forewarned. New York is sounding the warning bells to Las Vegas as it seeks to become the prime wedding destination of the world, dethroning Sin City famous for its Elvis weddings.
The Manhattan Marriage Bureau went through a US$12mil (RM43mil) overhaul to provide speedy and friendly service to couples applying for marriage licences.
It opened last month at a new location with a much larger space. Facilities include 14 computer kiosks for online applications, chapel space and a store that sells flowers, disposable cameras and wedding bands.
Applicants are also able to communicate with clerks on a telephone interpretation system that offers a choice of 170 languages.
(A US census a decade ago found that English is not the main language spoken in almost 50% of New York City households. It is estimated that 170 foreign languages are spoken in the Big Apple).
But stars such as Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, Bruce Willis, Carmen Electra and even Elvis, the King of Rock and Roll, have all exchanged vows in Las Vegas, so why shouldn’t you?
“Think of New York City as the classier version of eloping to Las Vegas,” said Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor of The Knot (theknot.com), a popular online reference for couples searching for wedding planning solutions.
The Knot is linking hands with the city’s marketing arm to draw up wedding packages for couples intending to get hitched at the bureau.
“It is already one of the world’s most exciting, romantic destinations,” she said in an email interview.
“Tie the knot at the new marriage bureau here, and you will be on your honeymoon by the time you say ‘I do’!”
The Manhattan Marriage Bureau, located at 141 Worth Street in Lower Manhattan, opened its doors on Jan 12.
“New York City is already a legendary location to tie the knot, but this new location will give customers an even better, smoother experience that is more enjoyable and more memorable,” said First Deputy Mayor Patricia E. Harris, who was in charge of the renovations.
Las Vegas, however, has an edge over the city which supposedly never sleeps.
The Las Vegas Downtown Office Marriage Bureau opens daily including holidays from 8am to midnight, a great convenience for couples who develop a sudden urge for that piece of paper.
Statistics show that New York City issued just about 66,600 marriage licences in 2007 compared with 107,000 given out in Nevada’s Clark County, which includes Las Vegas.
But that number, according to the local Fox5 News in Las Vegas, was the lowest in a decade.
“Some people blame the marriage licensing office for not being open 24 hours. Another reason is the negative publicity the industry has received over the past few months.”
What’s bad news to Vegas is good news to New York, which is home to the Empire State Building, the great symbol of love for those swept up by Cary Grant’s An Affair To Remember.
In fact, the current economic meltdown has not stopped couples from toasting to love.
“Brides are still planning glamourous weddings, although they are being very smart about how they spend every penny,” Dolgin said.
The average cost of an American wedding is US$28,000 (RM101,000) but Dolgin said that many of the year’s top trends reflected new, chic ways to save on the big occasion.
“For example, there is the do-it-yourself (DIY) wedding details,” she said. “The spend-savvy bride is the smart bride. The crafty bride is even smarter.
“Using amazing resources all over the Internet, brides are making their own bouquets, save-the-dates, wedding programmes, seating charts and more.
“And when they can’t DIY, they head to Etsy.com for deals from other DIYers.” Etsy is an online marketplace for all things handmade.
According to Dolgin, The Knot has detected two trends in wedding receptions.
For one, “green weddings” are getting glamourous and more affordable, naturally.
This would mean Internet invitations (paper free), besides serving food and using flowers that are in season.
“These wedding trends are not only eco-chic, but also easier on the budget,” she said.
Another trend, she said, was opting for small, romantic ceremonies.
“Up the romance and drop the tab,” she said.
“Have your ceremony with only your nearest and dearest and save your money for the reception.”
“You can get hitched for just US$60 (RM217) [US$35 (RM126) to obtain the licence and US$25 (RM90) fee for the civil marriage ceremony].
“Then throw a raucous yet less-expensive-than-a-full-blown-reception cocktail party later in the year.”

Tearing into Wall Street

WHILE President Barack Obama stewed over Wall Street’s US$18bil (RM65bil) bonuses, the average American has long felt nothing but scorn for what is largely considered the source of the people’s misery.
A California-based company has been marketing T-shirts with messages such as “Investment Bankers – The New Al-Qaeda” and “Wall Street – Weapon of Mass Destruction”.
Its website, zazzle.com, also says: “Mr Obama, tear down this Wall $treet”.
Another website sells T-shirts that leave nothing to the imagination: “I Hate Investment Banking”.
These days, “I Hate Wall Street” T-shirts are the rage and the public anger isn’t fading away any time soon.
Fact to chew on: median household income in the US is less than half the average Wall Street bonus of US$112,000.
American consumers have lost their swagger; their unbridled spending is history now.
Frugality is in. The despair of losing their jobs is among the factors that drove the rate of personal savings the past few months to its highest level in six years.
The news gets gloomier by the day.
It has been a rocky ride into the Year of the Ox as US companies cut at least 100,000 jobs last week; and Macy’s, which prides itself as the world’s largest store, laid off 7,000 employees.
Macy’s, however, is largely middle-class America. The swanky stores such as Bergdorf Goodman tell of a different kind of belt-tightening.
“I’m switching from having my facials and massages in a wine-serving yoga spa to a been-in-business-forever place that only old people and gay men go to,” said a 40-something woman, known only as Cathy.
“I’ll do it once every six weeks instead of monthly, and it is one-third the price of the facials at the spa.”
Cathy made the public admission through a blog called Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA), which is devoted to women whose relationships have been affected by the economic slump.
“Are you or someone you love dating a banker? If so, we are here to support you through these difficult times,” DABA (www.dabagirls.com) says in its introduction.
DABA, in essence, is a place for “women who like to date successful men and anonymously dish on it”.
The blog gained attention last week when it was featured in The New York Times. DABA women who gathered occasionally as a support group, shared how the men in their life were always checking their “Black-Berry, Bloomberg and CNBC”, how they were told to forget about expensive dinners and holidays, and that even bedroom habits had changed.
Another woman resorted to checking the daily stock market performance to gauge her man’s mood.
But such a sisterhood gains no sympathy from some people.
“I hope each woman who attends these meetings remains single and unwanted when this economy goes through its eventual recovery,” Brown, a male banker wrote to the NYT. When he was single, he said, he would not mention his career to a woman or spend more than US$100 on a date until he really knew her.
A female reader said: “After reading this, I am ashamed of being a woman. Whatever happened to being proud of supporting yourself?
“You’re not going to get a date now that everyone knows all you are good for is the swiping of someone else’s credit card.”
Amber Chia, Malaysia’s own top model who has been wooed by men made of money, has this take on the subject.
“When you love someone, you accept the bad times as well as the good,” says Chia, who is in New York to attend acting classes at the New York Film Academy.
Here in Gotham, Chia says she prefers to shop at factory outlets where the merchandise is cheaper.
“I buy everything with my own money.”
The 27-year-old actress and model recalled being propositioned by someone with a diamond ring and how, during an assignment in Indonesia, she met businessmen who tried becoming suitors.
But it was a “no, thank you” from Chia.
“I’m happy with my life and my work. I don’t need so much money because when you are too wealthy, there’s another set of problems,” says Chia, whose 11-year relationship with her boyfriend ended two years ago.
The modelling industry back home had not been spared by the financial meltdown, she says. Fees per show for models have been slashed by up to 50% and fashion shows which previously hired almost 50 models would now only take about 20.
Chia, however, has always believed in saving for a rainy day.
“Especially now that I am back to being a student,” she says. “I have no income now. I take the subway or just walk if I can, instead of taking a taxi.”
But DABA girls believe in humour, too.
“If your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter,” says the blog, which was started by two young women “whose relationships tanked with the economy”.